Self love on Sunday?

Do any of you actually take time for yourself? Many times over you may have heard the phrase that implies you cannot pour from an empty cup. How do you refill your proverbial cup? Was there every really ever anything in it to begin with? Life’s current path of adventure has me scheming what to even fill mine with. I have taken to Twitter asking what others do for themselves. Is it a monthly treatment, or treat box, a long bubble bath, the reading of a desired book, a date with friends, s/o, church, a ladies study, or something I have never even thought about?

I have taken to frugality by force not by choice, thus I have very little balance or knowledge on the matters of what if anything should be spent on self care or love. I do absolutely nothing, or I go way too far and spend money that I feel guilty about spending later when the groceries don’t last the month. I often add up all the dimes and nickels I spend and realize, how bill money bled out from my budget by attempting to please myself or others.

If I do a reflection on self love, I do not love myself. I do not know why, but I don’t. I can’t find one single thing about me that I love. Not one. Let me guess, I should love the hands that held my babies, or the stomach they all grew in and stretched out. I should love my eyes that are a bland shade of blue, but can reflect any color of light thus appearing to change colors with my mood. My freckles are beauty marks right? I am not buying one single bit of that. I am listening to self help and life coaching items that are free on You tube. Some even have a biblical base, yet I cannot find a single version of me to love. I am awaiting a therapist appointment this evening, and one next Friday with yet another new therapist. You can attend all the appointments and take all the medications available to you, and not have a changing desired result.

How can I refill a cup when I don’t know what it should be filled with. Connect with myself, how? All the coping skill I have learned thus far in life’s current adventure is not impacting my life in a positive way. Music, worship, journals, medication, have not made the needed impact. Nothing is seemingly brings happiness or healing. I have three motivational quotes displayed via notebook paper taped to the dining room mirror. I have showered and appeared presentable almost every day. I started repainting my master bathroom. I have watched a movie that just I wanted to watch. None of it has brought me any improvement in mood, or quality of life. I am tired. I took my sleep aids properly last night hoping I would be able to get a good night’s sleep and that the irritability would be gone. I wanted to sleep until 10 a.m. so my body could play catch up in sleep mode, but it did not have the impact I am desperately longing for.

I am no one’s responsibility, just my own, and no matter how much you love someone else, they cannot always be there nor will they save you despite their role in your personal life, or words they have spoken. Spouses don’t always mean in sickness and health. Best friends can’t always handle your mess, not the living part of it, maybe the listening part, but not the living part of it. You can live out all the personal truth’s and examples you want, but that doesn’t mean you can change a single thing around you, even if you are renewing your heart and mind.

If I have a photo of the week, it is this one.

Not pretty but maybe one day it will be inspirational.

Hiding in Plain Sight 😶

Masquerade Jade

1 thought on “Self love on Sunday?

  1. To answer your question, I don’t specifically do “self care”. There are things I enjoy doing daily, like spend time on Pinterest looking up recipe, search for new frugal ideas, and reading interesting facts or “faith in humanity” stories or looking at favourite blogs for new posts. I watch movies and favourite tv shows with my husband, cook and bake yummy things for all of us to enjoy, and do craft projects when the mood strikes. But I don’t specifically put aside 1 hour each month, or week to do “self care”.
    Probably the only thing that I do that would constitute as “self care” is that I LOVE to travel, as does my husband, and we plan big trips every couple years or so, to go somewhere we’ve always wanted to see. However, this costs quite a bit of money and requires a lot of planning, so we can do it on a very tight budget. We spend the time between trips saving and researching, so we can afford to do this. If we don’t have the money, we don’t go! In between the big trips, we often find little trips to take, that don’t cost us much. It could be a day trip to a free site/museum, or to an inexpensive attraction nearby. It could be a picnic at a nearby beach or nice park area, that only costs gas to go. Sometimes we plan out a small overnight gettaway that we’ve found a really good hotel deal on. Often we take our daughter and my mom (whom I live with) with us. But we have done trips with just my husband and I as well. But we always, ALWAYS make sure we budget for it. Again, if we can’t afford it, we don’t do it!!!
    As for your dislike of yourself, I can definitely relate. I have spent most of my life wanting to be accepted by my peers and hating my flaws that others had pointed out were undesirable. I don’t know if it is my age or what, but over the last few years, I have had an epiphany on this. It has finally occurred to me that everyone has flaws! Now, if I can look at another human being, and accept their flaws and personalities, shouldn’t that be reciprocated about mine? Look, I’m not perfect in any stretch of the imagination. But now, when someone points out one of my many flaws, I realize, it is my decision whether I can or want to change that flaw, not theirs. But I do ask they be respectful, as they too have undesireable traits they wouldn’t want someone bringing constant focus to.
    Now, I’m not saying that I am refusing to continue personal growth. Sure, there are lots of things within myself that I can develope further…isn’t there always room for improvement? But it really is within my control to chose what and how I do that. An example…someone may be extremely opinionated. Being opinionated may very well be a naturally strong personal trait that person posesses. As a personality trait, you can’t just “get rid of it”. It’s a part of that person. However, if they are going to be strongly opinionated, they can personally work on being knowedgeable about their opinions, and, most importantly, learn to listen to and accept the opinions of others without judgement. In other words “God grant me the Serinity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference”.
    Remember, each person only has the control to change themselves. You can’t demand another person (like your husband) to change and expect them to automatically do it. That is their decision and their choice, to do so. But you can also choose what decisions are best for you, and make well informed choices on how you proceed with you life. I hope, as you proceed forward, you find the courage to change the things that need to change, so you may find peace and happiness within yourself.

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