A night in jail. (yes your read that right, I said THANKFUL)
When I wrote this in back in September, I poured a second shot of Pinnacle Tropical Punch Vodka into my Great Value orange juice, contained in a Ball drinking glass. That had been my maiden name, which I grew up hating. It also was the reason I made friends with an inmate in my cell block. She was an older grand mother type that helped me with jail rules I didn’t know about. The inmates last name by marriage was Ball. Maybe the name is not so bad after all, some good had come from all the bad that name carried because, that lady helped keep me calm that day in jail. She reminded me how stressing would only make me sick and potentially increase my blood sugar.
One night was enough to make me see alot of things I had been taking for granted. Access to my kids, the internet, games, cell phones. Being able to talk or walk around (without painful shackles or handcuffs) when you want to. Getting to go outside instead of being stuck in a triangle shaped block. How would bills get paid if I couldn’t get out of there to work. I was certain at that time that my marriage was over. There was no communication with the outside world because no one could or would accept my collect call. I was in tears, full of anger. I couldn’t speak to my children, (and wasn’t even 100% sure where they were because their father lives over 700 miles away so I didn’t know who had taken them in for me) didn’t know if anyone was going to post my bail/bond. As always I had little to no money, I had evacuated for a hurricane threat, and taken the children to see their father. A friend had given me a love offering before I departed the state we evacuated to. Apparently it was no surprise to God that I would end up in jail, once I got home, the amount given was the exact that my bail would be set at two days after the offering was given to me, which was prior to my arrest.
Laying on a mat in jail (not my comfy memory foam mattress at in the comfort of my home) gave me time to reflect on the anger, my anger, and actions that had gotten me there. The verse from Ephesians 4:26a (NKJV) “Be angry, and do not sin,” replayed in my mind. I had been angry and I had sinned. My husband was within his rights to call the cops, and though I disagree with his actions, there was no excuse for my actions. Anger had made me pursue him beyond our bedroom door when he tried to hide behind it during a venomous argument. Any other details about that moment are not important right now. That angry moment when I shoved the door open made me the primary aggressor in the eyes of the law and landed me in handcuffs. I was arrested in front of my teenager. I never wanted end up in jail again. There was no option to see children if you had them, the county jail no longer allowed visitation with minors even with a special request. Anger was not worth never seeing my children again. I stewed and furrowed in my anger for quite a bit.
Eventually though, my heart was humbled and I rependted, and laid my hand on the cell block floor and prayed for all the women in the block silently. What had life been like before they ended up in the County Jail? Had they all lost everything, homes, kids, jobs. No access to windows or sunshine, so many just slept their day away.
I was now where I swore in my life I would never be, always sitting on a self made throne judging people who went to jail or got in trouble with the law, well now I am one of them. I wore the ugly jumpsuit, bathed and changed in front of others (no privacy) appeared before a judge of the court. Be careful whom or what you judge, you very seriously (I am a living example) may end up like what you made fun of one day.
A night in jail would change my heart, reveal parts of me that I did not want to acknowledge and bring to light the things I had done to bring my life and marriage to the current unfathomable shape it was in. It would lead me to rededicate my life to Christ, and the rest of the story remains to be told. I hope you stick around to hear it as new sections will soon be emerging on the blog.
Hiding in Plain Sight,
Masquerade Jade 🙂
I link up for Thankful Thursdays here : https://brianshomeblog.com/2020/02/thankful-thursday-blog-hop-the-happy-feral-food-bell-rings.html