What is even today?

The truth is right now I am uncertain but in a few hours I might actually be able to remember what day and time it is, after someone actually tells me I repeat it back to myself what feels to me like, over and over and write it down in an attempt to get it right.

I am not a medical professional so seriously this is just for an I am sharing my current experience only kind of purpose.

Sometimes we need help. You can have perception that you are not stressed. That you can handle it. That you can cope on your own. That a doctor can fix it. That drugs prescribed or not can or cannot help you. That no one is there for you, but you know there actually is someone out there somewhere to help you either personally or professionally in the great big world that though you sometimes forget is bigger than just your personal friends, family, and experiences.

You can try on your own. You can appear to be succeeding and maybe you truly are succeeding or maybe you are spectacularly wrong and failing and bleeding your emotional 😭 or literal trauma all over anyone and everyone around you. It is all about perception and no matter what way it works out sometimes you need more than just your own perspective before you can even take one actual and literal step of any sort. You are not always right and you are not always wrong. You do have to be teachable and what works for one being may not work for another. It is okay to address that particular issue. To pick it up. Get messy,get ugly and face some nasty and ugly cold hard facts. Will it change you for better or for worse? Can pain and feeling it actually be healing. What is your perspective? Wasn’t that either this or last weeks word of the week? Maybe it was perception? Does it really matter?

Here is my experience and perception as of like maybe only this actual literal moment. No one person is right. Everyone is capable of making mistakes. As a professional, medical or otherwise, friends, family, lovers, children. Drugs prescribed or not can help you but can hurt you even if you follow every letter of the written perceived law and take them as directed specifically for you. The absolute possibilities and scenarios are quite possibly endless of what could happen if ?….. and it kicks literal rocks and hurts in an I stepped on a lego kind of way up to and including that you appear to have had a stroke and feel like you are right now having an actual heart attack kind of way.

I am hiding not quite in plain sight right now,

Masquerade Jade

5 thoughts on “What is even today?

  1. Today, after nearly a week of very unseasonably cold and miserable weather, including snow, we finally had a sunny, warm day. I decided we needed to get out for a walk, since they are now predicting rain for the next few days. I took one step down off our front step and turned my ankle over hard! Family told me to walk it off, but I insisted I needed to go to the hospital. Sure enough, I broke my ankle! Now i have to wear a walking cast for several weeks. So, I’m totally with you on the pain!!!!

    1. Rhonda that is so heart wrenching. I ended up in the hospital too. For a few days but my healing journey is just starting. I feel like a baby or toddler and getting better will take time. Support systems here feel hard. At least one a real one is being developed but waiting and relearning is hard

  2. Oh my, your hospital visit sounds much more serious than mine. I’m so sorry to hear that. Do they expect a full recovery or it this a “time will tell” kind of thing? I do hope you feel better soon, though. Feeling ill is not pleasant at all. Not having good supports definitely makes everything worse! I really hope your family steps up to help you as you recover. Sending virtual hugs your way!!!!

  3. Not much is worse that feeling poorly, it’s confusing and frustrating too. I hope you feel much better really soon.

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