is a revelation that no matter how much money I have or have not does not really change my problems. An example would be fourteen years ago I had a mortgage that was only $235.00 plus lot rent of maybe $250. I was married with one child, and a stay at home parent. I remember times of being unable to purchase formula or diapers, yet I paid 167.00 a month for cable package. I even managed to budget money to get my nails done etc. (something like 35.00 once or maybe twice monthly) There were times we didn’t make our mortgage payment saying we didn’t have the money. More recently I had a regular job from September 2017 to February 2019. It paid 10.67 and hour. I paid for my own medical insurance but still relied on medicaid for my children, and acquired food stamps to buy food. In that time, I still became over $2000 behind in rent, I was always anticipating an eviction notice. I even had nights when I was not sure where food for the next day would come from, yet I was working at least 35 hours a week. The financial problems kept me awake at night sending painful shock waves of anxiety through my body.
I used to blame my ex husband, but here I am in a new marriage with similar problems. Possessions, bills, and circumstances are different. No matter the amount of money that flows in to my pocket, there is never enough. I see now, and am working to break the bad cycles of how I use my money. Despite much or little income my life looks alot like most others, we have had car payments, taken trips, bought the latest electronics, maybe a little later than everyone else but we still obtain them. We have purchased meals out, paid for haircuts, and outright blown money on nonsense.
My car was totaled just after the New Year from a hit and run accident that occurred December 20,2019. The second car in our home overheated and rendered to a state of uselessness. It sold for a meager $325.00 that was used mostly to pay traffic fines my husband occurred with four traffic citations over a three month time frame. In that time he also used funds to take a traffic course in an effort to prevent his license from being suspended. The vehicles were what we used to earn a living. We drove them and delivered food for companies like Grub Hub, Postmates, Bite Squad, and DoorDash.
To break old cycles, I have begun to track every penny, I cannot control others but I can be a good steward what I am given. My husband, kids, and I are not always on the same page regarding possessions, how money is spent, or an attitude of gratitude. My husband was single for many years, and at times we have used the money we each receive for different personal agendas. We are learning and working on new ways to put our funds together to keep our household running. This month approximately $1247.52 will be the only amount that flows in unless money comes in from jewelry or other household items we have for sale. There is no choice but for us all to work together as a team to make this work. Rent is currently $850.00. The kids are able to help by ensuring they close doors behind themselves and turn off lights. Right now the only bill I feel I can reduce is the electric bill. My children receive a (one per household) 25.00 monthly Over the Counter credit from their insurance company. We use that to purchase personal care items like shampoo, toothpaste, cold, flu medications and the like.
This picture printed by my best friend years ago as a birthday gift hangs right by my kitchen window
These are scary times for us. No car, no extra income, we are adapting, and I want to be a good steward of what has been given me. I cannot make anyone else do anything, I can only work on me. I am working to consistently give God part of my day and learn how to use what He gives me. I would like for myself and my family to learn contentment. To have and abundant life no matter how much or how little we have. I plan each month how we steward what we are given….stay tuned to learn more of our adventure….
Hiding in Plain Sight,
Masquerade Jade 🙂